So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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