I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
