in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
