Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
