Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
