Got a toothbrush?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
