Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
