I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
