If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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