Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
