You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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