So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
