My underwear smells like fireworks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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