i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
