Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
