Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
