oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
