We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
