At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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