He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
