I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
this hospital has no fireball
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
