I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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