During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
