We won't sleep together?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You dont lie about slip and slides
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
