In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
