Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
