6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
