I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
