I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
