Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she peed on how many people?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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