new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize