You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
