Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
