I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
