i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
