Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
