There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
