i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
