Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
