I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
