dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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