accomplished twins. life is a go
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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