update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
