Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
