Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
