I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
