Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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