it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
