I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
