I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
