Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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