I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
