don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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