Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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