I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
