i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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