your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
