if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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