i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
