i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
