He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
