I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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