he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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