im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
