i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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