becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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