I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Congratulations! We have a period
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