the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
