38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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